“How
are you feeling today?
When is your birthday?”
When is your birthday?”
Even though I’m sick my scepticism and sense of playfulness has
not been affected by illness. My response:
“I'm
doing much better today. Still congested like a mucus-filled watermelon but I
bought some sudafed so tomorrow I will be a doped-up, mucus-filled watermelon!
My birthday? Why do you ask? I won't give you the exact date; instead you'll have to work for it... My birthday is 5 days after Hitler's and 4 days before Saddam Hussein's.”
My birthday? Why do you ask? I won't give you the exact date; instead you'll have to work for it... My birthday is 5 days after Hitler's and 4 days before Saddam Hussein's.”
About an hour later I receive this:
“…As
for your birthday, if you're going to give me clues, you better get
your facts straight and/or take a math class. Unless you were born on
the exact half second that straddles the time-line between April 24th
and 25th, there's something wrong with your skill testing question -
either that or the google doesn't know birthdays - please fill me in -
but I'm going with April 24 (?).”
your facts straight and/or take a math class. Unless you were born on
the exact half second that straddles the time-line between April 24th
and 25th, there's something wrong with your skill testing question -
either that or the google doesn't know birthdays - please fill me in -
but I'm going with April 24 (?).”
After reading this I was like no
way is there something wrong with my math skills! Then I googled Saddam’s
birthday only to find that it’s on the 28th of April and NOT the 29th
like I’ve been saying for most of my life!!
This is the second time this week that something I’ve been completely convinced of for my whole life turns out to be false! The other thing has to do with the citrus family…
Conversation between me and another friend who will be referred to
as “He”:
Me: I can never pronounce the ‘r’ properly in French. I always
roll it of the back of my throat and not off of my tongue like you’re supposed
to.
He: No. That’s Spanish, off the tongue. French is the back of the
throat.
Me: Yeah but listen, ‘argumes’. I can’t say it right.
He: What are you saying?
Me: ‘argumes’, the French word for citrus.
He: That’s because it’s ‘agrumes’ and not ‘argumes’.
Me: No. it’s ‘argumes’.
After about 2 minutes of back-and-forth I run to the kitchen to
grab a box of camomile and citrus tea to prove my point. I prance back into the
room…
Me: See!? (I read off of the box) ‘Agrumes’. Wait. Damnit! Since when
are they calling it ‘agrumes’?!?
He: Since always.
Me: But… but I’ve been calling it ‘agrumes’ my whole life! You
mean to tell me I’ve been walking around like an asshole saying ‘argumes’ and
no one has ever bothered to correct me!?!
He: I guess so.
So not only can I not pronounce my “r’s” properly, I’ve been wrong
my entire life about the French word for citrus AND I’ve been dishing out false
information about my birth date. No wonder everyone always says happy birthday
to me on the 24th. I have to rethink my whole life now…
