Cliff Notes version of Doctor Strangelove

I’ve been told that one of my posts (Doctor Strangelove: Or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Pollution) is too long for people to read. Apparently blogging is like journalism: people need to be able to finish the article while on the toilet. Okay, fine by me. Here’s a “cliff notes” version of that post for all you toilet-time readers. Enjoy!

1. Aldo Leopold: An American author who was also an ecologist. He wrote the book A Sand Country Almanac in which one chapter describes him cutting through a tree and thus through the history of public policy’s influence on nature.


2. The Biblical Perspective: Three elements: a) dominion of man over nature, b) the right to toil the earth, and c) the earth as a mere stepping stone to a better world. Man’s dominion over nature entitles use to do what we please to, and with, nature. This option implies that, as humans and God’s creation, we own the earth. The right the toil the earth follows this first option. It argues that since we own the earth we can dig up, cut down, and exploit anything having to do with it. The third element simply allows humans to take advantage of the earth, and destroy it, because it isn’t our “real” home. Apparently heaven is our real home and waits for us after we’ve destroyed our temporary house (this makes absolutely no sense to me).

3. Stewardship: requires humans to be responsible for the sustainable use of any natural resource, demands a spiritual relationship with the earth. The operative word here is “spiritual”, which according to many refers to our ability to communicate with nature. I ain’t no tree-hugging hippy, y’all, and I don’t think my cat hears me when I tell it to shut it gob.

4. Gaia Theory: Developed by James Lovelock; theory that demonstrates how the planet is a living breathing organism that responds to changes in the biosphere. I like this, it holds humans accountable for their actions in regards to the earth and explains a lot of the devastating natural disasters we experience.

5. Best solution: get rid of people. There are too mane people and they’re taking up space and resources. But, I’m told that mass genocide is illegal and immoral (whatever) so I guess we’ll just have to settle for Gaia Theory and wait for the earth to kill us rather than killing each other. It’s not as fun, but equally as efficient, I think.


If you are not a toilet reader (or spend a good portion of time on the toilet) and want to read the full version of this, just click on the link up there at the top and indulge yourself!