We May Need to Postpone Mother's Day this Year

An email to my dearest Mother:

Hi Mom,

I just wanted to let both you and [sister] know that I intend to come over Sunday for Mother's Day - providing that I'm feeling better by then - so think about things you need done around the house and that will be my gift to both of you.

If I'm not feeling better (I've been sick since Sunday) we'll have to put it off until the following weekend because I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy, let alone my family and my little niece - no one needs this kind of pain.

It all started with what I thought was food poisoning. We had ordered some St-Hubert last Saturday and so when I woke up with killer pain in my stomach on Sunday (and throwing up plenty) I blamed it on the chicken. I was practically bed-ridden for two days (oh, and I couldn't take a dump for that time either). Finally I felt well enough to put on real pants on Tuesday, I thought I had beaten the food poisoning monster! I was wrong, yesterday I was back to bed (or couch) unable to function normally. Then last night it was the diarrhea (I know, you don't need to know all this, but you're my mom and have no choice). It was more that I was pissing some white shit out of my ass... it's still going on today. I haven't been able to eat much (though the scale told me I haven't lost any weight), and my stomach is still upset.

I googled all sorts of symptoms and the internet told me I either have Alzheimer's, Ovarian Cancer, Inflammed Prostate, Autonomic Neuropathy, or an allergy to Milk... I don't really know what one it is but I'm leaning towards the inflammed prostate.

Anyway, that being said, we may need to post-pone Mother's Day this year.