My darling boyfriend, Dave, was a total wreck during the days leading up to the end of the world. At work, he told colleagues that it did not matter whether or not the exchange rate was entered into their information system because it was all going to end on Saturday anyway. Of course, being the rational and reasonable man that he is, Dave immediately took this back and proclaimed that since God is a capitalist, it was extremely important to enter the exchange rates into the system, because God is a woman and thus remembers everything. His colleagues, not quite understanding his point, thought it best to listen to this strange man and his prophecies.
So, on Monday, after the end of the world was supposed to occur, these colleagues were upset that Dave lied to them and sent their worlds into a downward spiral of fear and attention to detail. In anger they demanded to know why the world did not end and what this blatant liar had to say for himself. With a sense of relief, Dave explained how the end came close...
You see, he began, I was playing Golf on Saturday and on the third to last hole is when it happened. I had been playing extremely well, as I always do. My drives were long and precise and everything was going well. Then, on the third to last hole I drove my ball into the woods.
Confused, his colleagues asked how this event had anything to do with the end of the world.
Well, after the game was over and we were getting ready to leave I looked at the clock. It was 6:30. I calculated in my head and realized that it was approximately 6:00 pm when I hit that drive into the woods on the third to last hole!! Right there, that was it. The end of the world had come close. I knew because it was the only shot that went haywire and it was obviously because God was about to destroy everything.
So this, you see, explains everything. Or it at least explains why I love my boyfriend. He's slightly crazy, but extremely rational in his thinking.
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