Shit I eat / My boyfriend's a mind-reader

So last night, instead of doing school work I decided to watch “Because I Said So”; a B-movie for sure but entertaining nonetheless. The movie is full of cakes and yummy-looking food so, not surprisingly, I got hungry. I decided to invent an horsd’oeuvre out of the things I could find in my kitchen. This is what I came up with:



It’s mozzarella cheese mushed onto a Tostitos chip with peanut butter. Sometimes I eat some messed up shit. This is definitely one of those times. But it was so amazingly delicious that I had to text my boyfriend about it. This is the conversation that ensued:

Me: Right now I’m eating motz [this is what we call mozzarella in our house] and peanut butter on Tostitos! AWESOME!

Me: [seconds later] they should add more peanut flavour to peanut butter.

Dave: Of course, you’re genius. Plus you smoked pot I presume.

Me: Pot has nothing to do with it! Peanut butter has lost all its peanuts!!!

Dave: That’s sad.

Me: It is sad! We need to reform the peanut butter industry. Let’s call Jiffy!!

Dave: Use Facebook.

Me: Good idea. In the meantime, you spread the good news!

Dave: Spread!

Me: (confused) Yes… spread.

Dave: That should be your Facebook call to arms… “Spread the news”.

Me: What?

Dave: Spread! As in “spreading your peanut butter”.

Me: Oh!!! LOL!! That’s pretty clever!

Dave: I have to go to sleep now…go write your spread blog.

I realized two things from this conversation: 1) My boyfriend is super clever, and 2) He can read minds. How else would he know that I was going to Blog about it? But now I wonder what else he knows? Does he know that I only do my dishes when he is over? Does he know that I wear pyjamas ALL the time when he’s not around? Dave, if you are a mind reader you will know that I posted all these things just to make sure you don’t have leverage over me. I’m onto you and your mind-reading tricks. You cannot be trusted and I’m watching you.

How to be a Prostitute Without Getting Paid

I love Facebook! In fact, I spend most of my procrastinating time on the good ol' Facebook. However, there are a few things that some people should know about FB before they use it.

1 - Secure your privacy settings. This is important because you don't want random creepers seeing your profile.

2 - Watch what you write. If you just broke up with your GF or BF don't post all your drama on FB, it looks bad and is just annoying for the people who see the ridiculous status updates

3 - Don't post topless pictures of yourself!!! I love the girls who do this, they are so damn shameless it's almost disgusting. No. In fact it is disgusting!! No one wants to see that shit, and more importantly, all the nude pics become the property of FB (and likely its advertisers). When you post revealing pics of yourself your basically being a Prostitute without getting paid. It's gross and will do nothing for your career as a prostitute.

Wake-the-fuck-up!

27 followers for my 27th Birthday

Initially, I was to write a post about how my political views don't really reflect my lifestyle but I'm waiting on a cartoon for that one (common Daryl Cagle from MSNBC!), so in the Meantime I'm going to write about "Operation: get 27 followers for my 27th birthday". It seems like a silly operation, I mean who cares about Twitter followers, right? Well, I do. My bestie asked me yesterday why am I so obsessed with the followers, here's our Facebook conversation:

Bestie: LOL! What is the obsession with the followers?! Though, I agree, our people need to get on there! Tweet-tweet... that's the sound of Facebook dying, guys... (*Hi Facebook administrators, please don't cancel my account or anything, I was joking! I LOVE YOU!)

Me: Personal goal, I'm not talented in the blogging area and can't create a video that will go viral so I'm working with what I've got, LOL!

Bestie: lol, I am 100% with you. :) FOLLOW US PEOPLE. ;)

So you see, everyone (yes, my bestie is EVERYONE) wants followers, and I'm just using the resources that are at my disposal to procure those followers. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Anyway, I have had some success because after tweeting about my desire I earned two new followers, bringing the tally up to 11!!! Not too bad for a few hours work. A fellow tweeter even went through the trouble of tweeting this on my behalf:



Lord_Sugar has not responded to this request as of yet so I upped the ante by saying that if he did follow me I'd bake him an honorary cupcake and post a picture of it for him. I plan to follow through on my side if you do the same, Mr. Lord_Sugar.

I'll update this post later when new developments arise.

--UPDATE--

So it looks like Lord_Sugar is too busy to answer my request at the moment. In light of this, I plan to bake whoever becomes my 27th follower an honourary cupcake... because I'm nice like that... and I really want to bake a huge cupcake!!

What Fucks-My-Day-Up

As much as I try to put things off until later some things make this nearly impossible. I call them "the things that fuck-my-day-up".

The first, and most obvious, is school. Having to leave the comfort of my niche to venture out to the University is a good way to fuck-up my day. Most of courses this semester are boring, long, and tedious which makes motivating myself to go a strenuous task. When I do go I am subject to what I call "the newbies". Newbies are fresh meat. Students straight out of CEGEP (I live in Quebec) who have a lot to say about nothing. The ones who are actually intelligent are full of themselves and the ones who aren't think they are. Since I am an advocate for post-secondary education I am happy they they are in school, but I just wish they'd take the time to formulate their thoughts before they speak, and cut out the "um's", "like's", and "but's", because this fucks-up my day.

The second thing that really fucks-my-day-up is studying. All the time I can spend surfing the net is blocked by having to study. I'm taking this one course, Intro to Ancient Greek, that monopolizes a good portion of my time. It takes me over an hour to translate one goddamn passage!! Let's not forget that I also have a quiz every Monday that requires me to memorize copious amounts of grammatical forms and words. As a fan of procrastination, this simply will not do.

The final, and most irritating, thing that fucks up my day is my flimsy Internet connection! I'm a full-time student with rent and bills to pay (for an over-priced apartment with nothing included) so I steal the Internet connection from the school (yes, I live right next to my University and I still have trouble getting off my ass to go!). This is what the Internet connection icon should look like:




And this is what mine usually looks like:



or simply:

Which means I have no Internet access. It actually took me about 2 hours to get this post up because I had to battle with the Internet connection. This fucks-my-day-up!!!
______________

--UPDATE--

I forgot about this one, which means "yeah, you're connected, but don't try actually using the connection"...



...fucken internet...

I don't work at Best Buy

Every few days I have to get off my ass and go to class. Today is one of those days. I'm taking a course in New Religious Movements (or Cults). At first I thought it was going to be a really interesting class, I mean who wouldn't get excited over controversial religious movements!

I was wrong.

Although the material is interesting the professor is anything but. I can never-the-fuck hear what she's saying because she mumbles, and more importantly, her appearance frightens me. She looks like a hybrid of a witch, a hippie, and a warlock - all things that make me extremely uncomfortable. Looks aside, her mannerisms are odd as fuck. She's always braiding her hair and prancing around like a fairy on psychedelic drugs...

I think she suffers from acid flash-backs.

If I had one of those super-awesome HP TouchSmart laptops (like the dude sitting next to me) I'd swivel my screen around and draw you a picture of her, but alas I can't because, unlike the dude next to me, I don't work at Best Buy.

--UPDATE--

Dude next to me just told me I was gay for being on Twitter. Response: "You're gay for calling me gay". Moi 1 - Dude 0

The Best Job in the World of a Student

Being a student, money is tight. To help alleviate some of the financial strain I suffer from I’ve sucked it up and got a job. I did not want to do this, money forced me to. I’m lucky though because this job is saweet! I’m a Teaching Assistant for an online course at the University that I attend. It doesn’t pay extremely well, but it helps pay the bills. The best part of this job is that, because it’s online, I get to work from home, which is ideal for someone with my procrastinating abilities – having to get off my ass and go somewhere is NOT an option.

So, at this very moment, I’m logged in and my job is to answer the questions that students may have. I’ve been logged in for about 10 minutes now and, so far, no questions. Can you say “Best Freakin’ Job in the WORLD”!?!?!?! Oh, spoke too soon, an email just came it. BRB…

--UPDATE--

Email delt with! High-Five!

Okay, where was I? Oh yes, let's map out some reasons why this is the best job in the world of a student:

1. I'm in my pajamas right now. Student 1 - Employment World 0
2. It has not changed my daily routine; I often roll out of bed and straight onto my laptop. Student 2 - EW 0
3. It's online, which is where I am ALL OF THE TIME. Student 3 - EW 0

...

I'm sure there are plenty of other extremely good reasons as to why the job rules but that's all I can think of for now.

Pink on the Inside

Fuuuuck! I just realized that I haven't blogged since daylight savings time started, or ended, I'm not really sure how it works.

All I know is that my Blog has minimal entries and doesn't look nearly as cool as the other blogs that I follow. I think it has something to do with the fact that I don't really have a specific interest to blog about. I mean, maybe I'm just not that creative, or maybe I don't have time - or I don't have time cause I'm too busy procrastinating. If there's anything I'm good at it's putting shit off until later.

For instance, I should be working on a 10 page research paper that's due next Tuesday, but instead I find myself randomly scrolling through all of Charlie Sheen's Tweets on the Twitter... and that's just one example of how I've wasted time today.

Anyway, that being said, I think I will update my Blog style-wise. Maybe change some colours because, although I'm pink on the inside, I don't need pink all over my laptop screen every time I look at my Blog.

So how do I make my Blog cool enough (esthetically and content-wise) for people to want to follow it?